Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Appearing naked in other people's dreams is a concept which occurred to me as I woke up this morning from a dream in which I was naked. It's about time someone added this important idea to our literary and cultural heritage.
Advantages to appearing naked in other people's dreams seem infinitely numerous, but I'll limit the possibilities. When appearing naked in other people's dreams, it's preferable to use one's "power" for good and not evil.
If you've ever been naked in a dream of your own, you're aware of how vulnerable you feel at the time -- especially if you're standing naked at a major intersection during rush hour. Wouldn't it be nice if someone came by to stand next to you? If there were another naked person standing next to you, you'd feel much more confident of standing naked in the middle of the street while automobile traffic swirls around you. You could even engage in conversation with your guest, and the act of engaging in a lighthearted discussion would distract you from your embarrassment.
Many married couples could also benefit from the experience of appearing naked in one another's dreams. At night, if you're more interested in sleep than in your libido, it would be an opportune time to ask your spouse to make a naked appearance in your dreams. You could engage in the glorious art of love-making while you're both sleeping heavily. Any anatomical problems suffered while awake could be corrected in the dream, and at the speed of thought (which is arguably faster than light).
Don't want kids? No money? No time? No desire to change diapers? No good schools in your area? No problem! Having sex with your spouse while dreaming is perfectly safe. A snowball in hell would have a better chance of conception, and you'll save bundles of your hard-earned money on contraceptive devices. Be creative if you'd really like an heir: Have a child in the dream, win the lottery shortly after the birth, hire a maid to change the diapers, become President of the city council and have a school built in your back yard. Hire as many police officers as you'd like to watch the school. If you're still feeling stressed from the financial and temporal burden of children, don't worry! You'll either wake up from the dream, or the child will turn 18 before the dreams ends.
While appearing naked in other people's dreams, don't underestimate the power of giving them visions. Visions are an effective way to get the other person to achieve goals you'd like to see him or her accomplish. Alternatively, selfish reasons are a driving force within humanity, and provide a good incentive for giving people visions.
Most people deserve a raise at work. Give your employer a vision. Appear naked in one of his dreams, and remember to properly announce yourself. First, inform him that they are having a vision. If you fail to do that, your success rate of giving people visions will not achieve the maximum potential.
After you've completed step one, proceed to request a raise for yourself. Don't be greedy. I'm sure your co-workers are equally deserving of a raise. Before you speak on behalf of your co-workers, however, make sure you've qualified yourself for a raise. After all, you're special, and there's only one you.
If your employer doesn't seem convinced he's having a vision, tell him something only you would know. Think back to any private conversations you've had with him. If that method of persuasion proves ineffective, fall back on threats. Don't worry about committing acts of violence -- you'll only be bluffing. If threats don't work, try performing miracles. Be creative though -- don't perform a miracle that's already been used in the Bible, Koran, Torah, or any other popular spiritual manuscript.
Are you the boss? Give your employees visions so they'll be more accepting of lay-offs, cuts in pay, or slave labor. If you break the law, however, be prepared to give visions to federal agents and any other law enforcement officials you may encounter.
Parents, are your children misbehaving? Are you unhappy with their grades? Is your teenager paying too much money for drugs? Apply similar principles for giving them visions, and soon you'll have the perfect child you've always dreamt about.
Anyone reading to this point has probably waited for an important question to be answered, "How do I appear naked in other people's dreams?" Deeply apologetic, I confess I don't have the answer. Had I been born a science fiction writer I could easily provide that crucial piece of information. I don't know when the instructions will become available, but when it does, you'll need this article for reference.
Please print a copy and retain it for your records.
Angel Feathers Tickle Me